It's the end of day two and I'm still as confused as ever, because I still don't fully understand what's going on and why it's happening.
But I'm getting there.
And thankfully, I'm getting some answers and realizing some things on my own and with his and His help.
And it's about time, after almost four full years, that I do some soul searching and have some alone time to figure out who I even am as a person.
Nobody has ever made me as happy as he has made me through these years.
But I'm not gonna lie, it wasn't always rainbows and butterflies.
When have you ever heard of a perfect relationship?
I used to think it was possible, but we must always be ready for a challenge.
And this is a challenge I'm willing to fight through.. and win.
This time away, although it's only been two days, has already helped me to see what I had, what I took for granted and what I need to work on to make that relationship we had work.
And it's giving me the urgency to do right, what I've done wrong.
I'm doing this not just so we can live our lives being "happy".. because he's right, we weren't fully happy anymore.
I want to be really happy like we were before.
I want to be able to give my everything and not second guess things I do or say, or second guess what he does or says.
I want to give wholeheartedly and I want to forever feel the butterflies that we once both felt.
I want to keep him on his toes and always wanting more new and exciting things.
I want the spark. The magic.
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On another note, Adam Lambert's rendition of
"If I Can't Have You" was insanely wicked.
I probably boosted it even more because
I related to the emotion and the pain in his voice.
And the song sun that way just made the words mean that much more.
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3 comments:
Day 2. It only gets harder from here. Hang in there.
I'm here if you need to talk? : )
its always nice to have time to yourself to just think things through. you're on the right track my dear. time alone allows for personal reflection- without anyone else's input but your own. I hope you find what you're looking for and most of all (regardless of what may happen) i hope you're happy in the end. =)
& added. haha
Kaleen: I know I'm prepping myself because I know it'll get harder. I need all the support, and yes, for sure I'll keep you in mind when I need to vent. Thanks =)
Jess: Wise words, yet again. He's made me realize we both need this time to figure ourselves out.
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