Frig, we're getting old.

So tomorrow is VJ & Charissa's wedding.
My first set of friends getting married which is def making me feel old.
First graduating from university, now friends getting married..
and next Tuesday I turn the big 2-2!!!!
SHIT! Life is just speeeding right now.. where are the damn brakes?

Can't wait to see everyone all dolled up tomorrow;
it's def been too long since we've ALL seen each other.
Annnd obvi, a shitload has changed but I'm still excited, regardless.

Timmies talk with Marv and Mare last night about our "primes".
It really sucks how all our primes were in highschool,
and we are all starting to feel the decline.. ALREADY?!
We suck at this game hahaha
We gotta revamp ourselves, for sure.
We're not even out in the real world yet! Omfg.

..which reminds me!
Once I get back from Cuba, I def gotta get on that job search tip.
FML.

On another note, last Friday was too much to handle.
Apparently I had a blaaaast and I remember having a wicked time.
It was def a bittersweet day, for those who know.
But good thing I was surrounded with family and friends
who let me celebrate my birthday (part 1!) with a bang!!!!

Sidenote: If I could change one thing about my body, it would be my legs
hate hate haate my legs *angry face*
mommy and daddy, why'd you have to create these legs guuuuuy

peace and love.

Bittersweet.

Be prepared for curveballs to be thrown at you, every day of your life.

This is so bittersweet - moments like this.
If only I could blog everything that's going through my head right now...
but if I tried, the words that come out and the sentences I'd create would look like an impossible algebraic expression that no one would have an answer to.

I'm so happy yet so sad.
So ready to push even when a part of me is pulling back so hard.
Things will never be the same, obvi.

(Friday will def be bittersweet. so so SO bittersweet)

Back at it.

I'm back!
I know it's been a looong time and I failed on my "blogging everyday" tip.
But I'll try to get back to this regularly starting... now.

So, things have been changing like mad lately, good and bad, I guess.
For the most part, I just gotta suck it up and live my life.
And if you know me, that's what I'm doing.

$$$ life isn't so swell, but I'm surviving.
Job life needs to pick up, I still gotta get on that.. changing my availability for more hours (LOL)
Fam life is good; can't remember the last time we got into a fight or bickering (y)
Friend life is good as well; can't complain but obvi there's some things I wish could go my way. But now isn't a time to be greedy. I know that.

So you gotta take the good with the bad, happy and the sad
So I'll bring a better future than I had in the past
Oh 'cause I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again
- Keri Hilson

Still trying to live life with no regrets, but it's hard as hell, you know?
I don't regret my past, obvi, I loved it.
But hopefully in the future, I'll be able to right my wrongs.
Push forward, that's what I'm doing; it's all I can do.
push push push

On another note, I'm pretty sure I'm too nice for my own good.
Yes, I can be a bitch and I may look like one, but trust me, I'm way too nice.
Everyone deserves a second chance right?
But what if that second chance turns into a third, fourth, or more?
Never let anyone take advantage of your kindness like I have.
Stop trying to make everyone happy..
because you'll just end up making yourself feel miserable.
Trust me.

Pray for happiness.
Always.

This should take time.

It should take time, and I understand I tried rushing things
and we got thrown into a situation that quickly became an awkward one
and maybe a very bad idea.

I never want/wanted you to be just another face from my past.
I still want to know you, know about you, hear from you and be your friend,
at least.

No one on this frigging earth is perfect, we know that.
I've had my share of screw ups and I won't deny it.
I'm doing me, but no one should expect me to forget you entirely.
No one should expect me to not think about you.
I think I'd be a cold hearted bitch if I suddenly stopped thinking of you,
if I stopped worrying about you, or caring about you,
wondering if you were okay, how your day was.. etc etc.
This should take time, right?

"Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting" - Dixie Chicks

I'm still waiting. Not waiting as in I'm giving myself false hope;
waiting, as in waiting to evolve into that better person,
or at least waiting for what God will throw at me next, forever hoping
that it is something just as good or even better than before.

In other news, another segment of my life is coming to a close.
Graduation is coming up quickly,
but why am I not as excited as I should be?
Maybe one of these days, real soon, I'll be hit with reality.
I'm done, bitches! June 10. Let's go.

If hell were a place on Earth...

that's where I've been roaming around for the past few weeks.
But there's nothing that can change what has happened,
so I need to move forward.

Everything happens for a reason.
I seriously need to start truly truly believing this.
God will help me through this, right?
Our lives are in His hands and I just gotta wait it out.
God, help me: I need you now more than ever.

There are so many people caring about me and
I'm so thankful that I have such a wonderful support system.
Days and nights have been up and down, literally like a rollercoaster
and I'm feeling pretty nauseated to this day.

I'm not depressed, but I'm sad.
I'm not delusional, but I tend to overthink things.
I'm not going to break down, but I will cry.

I've got to keep my head up, like they're all telling me to do.
Keeping myself busy is probably the best thing I can do.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Now.

Whoops.

Emotional baggage.
Sorry for the splurs and quick emotional reflexes.
I'm not a terrible person, I swear it.
Everything is just piling, and piling, and piling.

Note to self: Be strong, bitch.

FML.

anger and frustration to a next level.

seriously wishing i was somewhere else right now.
so, all my "stupid, unrealistic, it-would-never-happen" thoughts
are quickly becoming reality...
or so i think.
damnit, why do i have to think so much? why God why!?
(ha, there goes my saying... NEVER SAY NEVER)

i guess only your words will prove me right or wrong.

female's friggin intuition. love it. but hate it more.

you don't eeeeeven understand.
you probably never will.
unless the tables were turned.

FML.