Roller-freaking-coaster.
My expectations for 2009 definitely didn't end up going exactly as I was anticipating it at the end of 2008. However, I have grown so much from the challenges that I was forced to face this year.
Cheers to 2009 for being a big kick in the heart, mind and ego. I have never experienced so many different emotions than I felt this year; sometimes a combination of emotions all at once. I'm stronger now than I have been in a long time, thanks to God, prayers, family and friends. The year has gone by so fast, yet at the same time, soooo slow. I guess that shows for the consistent highs and lows that I went through.
Nothing lasts forever. This happens to everyone, I know that. Thankfully, I was able to overcome the awkwardness and everything that came with the change that we were forced to adapt to. And thankfully we didn't lose out completely because that would've been a terrible end to the story. I was blessed to have a wonderful backbone to help me get through the rough patches along the way. When I finally came to my senses, I realized that everything happens for a reason. We live and we learn from the things that happen to us.. shit happens, but life must go on. And life did go on. For a few months, I questioned myself - how and why things happened the way they did and what I did wrong in everything and what I could've done better. But then I realized that what happened, happened. There was no room to regret the past. And it still haunts me to this day, knowing I could've done things differently and maybe the year wouldn't have occurred the way it did. Now, I've learned to be less attached and work with my emotions better. So, hopefully I can finally be at complete peace and have my mind and heart finally meet halfway.
Amidst all that, I was able to make new friends, rekindle with old ones, and get closer to the ones that were there all along. I learned that "friendship isn't being inseparable. It's being separated and knowing that nothing will change". To the people who felt like family from the first few times we hung out, to those who took a while warm up to me, to the ones who eventually grew to love, and to those who were there throughout everything, not only this year, but from previous years too, thank you thank you thank you!!! Great friendships were created this year; some I would have never thought would happen, but from what I've learned, you just never know! Expect the unexpected, for real. And as easily as I gained people in my life, I also lost people that were once very special to me. Most importantly, Mama Naty passed away this year. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye in person because of exams and that hurt a lot. Another thing was having no choice but to lose touch with certain people because of the circumstances - that sucked, obviously. And one other thing was losing certain people because it was just supposed to happen that way. I can't please everyone and not everyone can please me. This year was definitely an eye opener, shoot! Getting rid of negative aura was one of the best things I did this year, no doubt.
Big accomplishment! Hello, graduating class of June 2009. Thankfully, I was able to graduate from UofT with my Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology and Health Studies. Obviously my parents were proud and I felt a great sense of pride and accomplishment myself. Although I haven't found a permanent job or career yet, I've graduated and that's all that matters for now. And I'm going to start that hunt once I get back from the Philippines in May. Speaking of work, Old Navy has become a second home towards the end of the year - literally being there 6, sometimes 7 days a week. Good thing I have some of the best coworkers and managers, lol!
Another big thing about 2009 was being able to travel and make up for the lack of of it in 2008. In February for Reading Week, we stayed overnight in Niagara Falls; in May, we went on a weekend getaway to Chicago; also in May, we went for a birthday weekend in Carriage Hills in Barrie; in June, we spent a week with Anthony in Halifax; in July, we tanned like crazy in Veradero, Cuba; and in August, we went to New York City! Different people, always unforgettable adventures!
So 2009 most definitely was a 365 day-long roller coaster ride. Every day was a new adventure. Some days I never wanted to end and some days I never wanted to face. And with it all, I survived! I'm still standing. I will take with me all the experiences, advice and memories and roll with the punches and embrace change for 2010. I'm ready, world!
You know this.
Love, me.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
oh my, how time flies.
It's been over a month since I've updated and looking back at my last entry, it feels good to say that I've been able to do almost 100% of the things I wanted to do in August and more! It was def a very productive month and I was very very busy!
Now things have simmered down because mostly everyone's back in school. I've been using this time to work and make up for all the $$$ I spent during the summer. I've been taking people's shifts like you wouldn't believe but I gotta do what I gotta do.
I still haven't started looking for jobs and I really gotta get on that soon. Once I fix up my resume, I should be good to go. However, I kinda wish I could live the "part-time but almost full-time retail job life" for a little longer. It's fun. Tiring as hell, but fun nonetheless. I guess I'm not ready to fully grow up yet *sigh.
With most of my friends going back to school, it's a little bittersweet that I'm done. The start of the school year also made my revert back to some bad memories and hurtful thoughts. I guess it made it harder that I was thinking about a lot of good times that I really can't go back to. Things haven't been going my way, regardless of what it may have seemed like for the past few months. I wish I could have my cake and eat it, too. But apparently that's not possible. At least not for me.
I've also realized from my volunteering at the SDC that I need to start listening to my own advice. I've been giving pretty good advice about love and losing and relationships and it seems that I've been able to help people through the phones. I just don't understand why I can't suck it up and listen to my own words.
On Facebook, one of my old friends posted this thing on her status, a famous Marilyn Monroe quote, and I wish I could print this out, blow it up and just force myself to understand and accept these words.
"BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
PEOPLE CHANGE SO THAT YOU CAN LEARN TO LET GO.
THINGS GO WRONG SO THAT YOU APPRECIATE THEM WHEN THEY'RE RIGHT.
YOU BELIEVE LIES SO YOU EVENTUALLY LEARN TO TRUST NO ONE BUT YOURSELF.
& SOMETIMES, GOOD THINGS FALL APART SO BETTER THINGS CAN FALL TOGETHER."
Faith & hope, always.
Now things have simmered down because mostly everyone's back in school. I've been using this time to work and make up for all the $$$ I spent during the summer. I've been taking people's shifts like you wouldn't believe but I gotta do what I gotta do.
I still haven't started looking for jobs and I really gotta get on that soon. Once I fix up my resume, I should be good to go. However, I kinda wish I could live the "part-time but almost full-time retail job life" for a little longer. It's fun. Tiring as hell, but fun nonetheless. I guess I'm not ready to fully grow up yet *sigh.
With most of my friends going back to school, it's a little bittersweet that I'm done. The start of the school year also made my revert back to some bad memories and hurtful thoughts. I guess it made it harder that I was thinking about a lot of good times that I really can't go back to. Things haven't been going my way, regardless of what it may have seemed like for the past few months. I wish I could have my cake and eat it, too. But apparently that's not possible. At least not for me.
I've also realized from my volunteering at the SDC that I need to start listening to my own advice. I've been giving pretty good advice about love and losing and relationships and it seems that I've been able to help people through the phones. I just don't understand why I can't suck it up and listen to my own words.
On Facebook, one of my old friends posted this thing on her status, a famous Marilyn Monroe quote, and I wish I could print this out, blow it up and just force myself to understand and accept these words.
"BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
PEOPLE CHANGE SO THAT YOU CAN LEARN TO LET GO.
THINGS GO WRONG SO THAT YOU APPRECIATE THEM WHEN THEY'RE RIGHT.
YOU BELIEVE LIES SO YOU EVENTUALLY LEARN TO TRUST NO ONE BUT YOURSELF.
& SOMETIMES, GOOD THINGS FALL APART SO BETTER THINGS CAN FALL TOGETHER."
Faith & hope, always.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Live.
I swear I can't keep up with this blogging business. Sorry!
I thought I could do it like I used to back in highschool, but it isn't the same.
I had a wicked 22nd birthday. Thank you to everyone who helped make it memorable.
Cuba was amazing, as expected.
But now I'm back to reality.
How fun
Digging up for old school songs is the best.
It's funny how songs that used to mean nothing can mean everything now.
Have you ever felt like a song seemed like it was written for you?
Damn, Monica has reminded me why she is 1/3 of my favourite female RnB singers.
It's already August!! There is so much to do still but I don't know where
I'm going to find money to pay for everything I want to do.
Things to do before August ends (in no particular order)
- Jack & Jill
- Wonderland (I still have to activate my seasons pass!)
- CNE / CNE Casino
- Taste of the Danforth
- Drinking / Lazy Nights
- Lunch/Dinner/Clubbing with my UofT girls
- Sleepovers
- Flip cup tournament
- Dare Night
- Beach / Bonfire
- Fancy dinner night with the girls
- Montreal
- Cottage / Camping for Geli's birthday
AH!!!!!! Let's see how this goes.
Between all of that, I'm still hoping to get more shifts at work,
considering the fact I haven't worked for three weeks and the only thing holding me up
financially is the money I've been receiving from my birthday, laaaame.
Also, my bishop uncle is coming next Monday,
my other uncle is coming next week too,
Anthony's coming home, and Isay's back from the Philippines next week.
Oh.. My.. Gosh. (yn)
I thought I could do it like I used to back in highschool, but it isn't the same.
I had a wicked 22nd birthday. Thank you to everyone who helped make it memorable.
Cuba was amazing, as expected.
But now I'm back to reality.
How fun
Digging up for old school songs is the best.
It's funny how songs that used to mean nothing can mean everything now.
Have you ever felt like a song seemed like it was written for you?
Damn, Monica has reminded me why she is 1/3 of my favourite female RnB singers.
It's already August!! There is so much to do still but I don't know where
I'm going to find money to pay for everything I want to do.
Things to do before August ends (in no particular order)
- Jack & Jill
- Wonderland (I still have to activate my seasons pass!)
- CNE / CNE Casino
- Taste of the Danforth
- Drinking / Lazy Nights
- Lunch/Dinner/Clubbing with my UofT girls
- Sleepovers
- Flip cup tournament
- Dare Night
- Beach / Bonfire
- Fancy dinner night with the girls
- Montreal
- Cottage / Camping for Geli's birthday
AH!!!!!! Let's see how this goes.
Between all of that, I'm still hoping to get more shifts at work,
considering the fact I haven't worked for three weeks and the only thing holding me up
financially is the money I've been receiving from my birthday, laaaame.
Also, my bishop uncle is coming next Monday,
my other uncle is coming next week too,
Anthony's coming home, and Isay's back from the Philippines next week.
Oh.. My.. Gosh. (yn)
Monday, July 20, 2009
Sunset.
Marques Houston's song, Sunset, has been out for a long time but it seems like everyone's making covers for it in an overflow right now. So taunting, I swear.
I remember first hearing this song.. def didn't mean the same thing it does to me now.
It's one of those.. "damn this is all me" songs. Bah.
VJ & Charissa's (aka Boom Boom & Chaboy!) wedding was on Friday.
Like we kept saying, we're getting old!
We used to go to debuts, now we're going to weddings.
Everyone looked so beautiful and it was def so so SO good to see everyone.
It's great how even though we hardly see each other, when we do, we just jump right back into the same old thing.
Same old us, same good times and same cherished moments.
We're all doing our own thing but when it comes down to it, we still got each other.
I've been pretty emotional the past few days due to a little visit from my supposed-to-be monthly friend (LOL).. so excuse me if I sound like I'm dragging a pile of tissues along for the ride.
Some people will never understand how much my friends mean to me.
I cherish you guys soooo much
and for the ones I can truly still call my friends, thank you.
Whether we've been friends for 10 years or 3 months or whatever in between, you have made such a big impact on my life and for that I am forever grateful.
Such wise words, such simple acknowledgments, such love.
But always beware.
There will always be people who will try to take advantage of you.
It's happened to me a handful of times in my past.
They take my kindness for weakness.
Just remember, I can always forgive but I will not ever forget.
I will always be able to forgive you for hurting me but sorry,
I can never forget the hurt.
I'll be able to move forward and maybe we can start over
but with my good memory comes remembering every little scrapping detail.
Sorry.
Kyle, your blog the other day touched me soo hard.
I hope you don't mind me sharing with the world your beautiful words.
You've given me some of the best advice.. here's your own personal shout out.
Thank you.
[I realized that important people in our lives come and go. I experience this all the time. Things always seem to be "so" perfect, but in the end, they are always the ones walking away from you... You live, you learn and you progress... You accept what just happened and you commit yourself to avoid doing the things you use to do, so that you can become a better person...
"Accept, Understand, Learn and Progress."]
On a happier note, it's my birthday tomorrow, bitches!
Today I woke up thinking about my birthday last year.
Almost one year later, SO much has changed.
Damn life with it's curveballs and mysteries.
I remember first hearing this song.. def didn't mean the same thing it does to me now.
It's one of those.. "damn this is all me" songs. Bah.
VJ & Charissa's (aka Boom Boom & Chaboy!) wedding was on Friday.
Like we kept saying, we're getting old!
We used to go to debuts, now we're going to weddings.
Everyone looked so beautiful and it was def so so SO good to see everyone.
It's great how even though we hardly see each other, when we do, we just jump right back into the same old thing.
Same old us, same good times and same cherished moments.
We're all doing our own thing but when it comes down to it, we still got each other.
I've been pretty emotional the past few days due to a little visit from my supposed-to-be monthly friend (LOL).. so excuse me if I sound like I'm dragging a pile of tissues along for the ride.
Some people will never understand how much my friends mean to me.
I cherish you guys soooo much
and for the ones I can truly still call my friends, thank you.
Whether we've been friends for 10 years or 3 months or whatever in between, you have made such a big impact on my life and for that I am forever grateful.
Such wise words, such simple acknowledgments, such love.
But always beware.
There will always be people who will try to take advantage of you.
It's happened to me a handful of times in my past.
They take my kindness for weakness.
Just remember, I can always forgive but I will not ever forget.
I will always be able to forgive you for hurting me but sorry,
I can never forget the hurt.
I'll be able to move forward and maybe we can start over
but with my good memory comes remembering every little scrapping detail.
Sorry.
Kyle, your blog the other day touched me soo hard.
I hope you don't mind me sharing with the world your beautiful words.
You've given me some of the best advice.. here's your own personal shout out.
Thank you.
[I realized that important people in our lives come and go. I experience this all the time. Things always seem to be "so" perfect, but in the end, they are always the ones walking away from you... You live, you learn and you progress... You accept what just happened and you commit yourself to avoid doing the things you use to do, so that you can become a better person...
"Accept, Understand, Learn and Progress."]
On a happier note, it's my birthday tomorrow, bitches!
Today I woke up thinking about my birthday last year.
Almost one year later, SO much has changed.
Damn life with it's curveballs and mysteries.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Frig, we're getting old.
So tomorrow is VJ & Charissa's wedding.
My first set of friends getting married which is def making me feel old.
First graduating from university, now friends getting married..
and next Tuesday I turn the big 2-2!!!!
SHIT! Life is just speeeding right now.. where are the damn brakes?
Can't wait to see everyone all dolled up tomorrow;
it's def been too long since we've ALL seen each other.
Annnd obvi, a shitload has changed but I'm still excited, regardless.
Timmies talk with Marv and Mare last night about our "primes".
It really sucks how all our primes were in highschool,
and we are all starting to feel the decline.. ALREADY?!
We suck at this game hahaha
We gotta revamp ourselves, for sure.
We're not even out in the real world yet! Omfg.
..which reminds me!
Once I get back from Cuba, I def gotta get on that job search tip.
FML.
On another note, last Friday was too much to handle.
Apparently I had a blaaaast and I remember having a wicked time.
It was def a bittersweet day, for those who know.
But good thing I was surrounded with family and friends
who let me celebrate my birthday (part 1!) with a bang!!!!
Sidenote: If I could change one thing about my body, it would be my legs
hate hate haate my legs *angry face*
mommy and daddy, why'd you have to create these legs guuuuuy
peace and love.
My first set of friends getting married which is def making me feel old.
First graduating from university, now friends getting married..
and next Tuesday I turn the big 2-2!!!!
SHIT! Life is just speeeding right now.. where are the damn brakes?
Can't wait to see everyone all dolled up tomorrow;
it's def been too long since we've ALL seen each other.
Annnd obvi, a shitload has changed but I'm still excited, regardless.
Timmies talk with Marv and Mare last night about our "primes".
It really sucks how all our primes were in highschool,
and we are all starting to feel the decline.. ALREADY?!
We suck at this game hahaha
We gotta revamp ourselves, for sure.
We're not even out in the real world yet! Omfg.
..which reminds me!
Once I get back from Cuba, I def gotta get on that job search tip.
FML.
On another note, last Friday was too much to handle.
Apparently I had a blaaaast and I remember having a wicked time.
It was def a bittersweet day, for those who know.
But good thing I was surrounded with family and friends
who let me celebrate my birthday (part 1!) with a bang!!!!
Sidenote: If I could change one thing about my body, it would be my legs
hate hate haate my legs *angry face*
mommy and daddy, why'd you have to create these legs guuuuuy
peace and love.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Bittersweet.
Be prepared for curveballs to be thrown at you, every day of your life.
This is so bittersweet - moments like this.
If only I could blog everything that's going through my head right now...
but if I tried, the words that come out and the sentences I'd create would look like an impossible algebraic expression that no one would have an answer to.
I'm so happy yet so sad.
So ready to push even when a part of me is pulling back so hard.
Things will never be the same, obvi.
(Friday will def be bittersweet. so so SO bittersweet)
This is so bittersweet - moments like this.
If only I could blog everything that's going through my head right now...
but if I tried, the words that come out and the sentences I'd create would look like an impossible algebraic expression that no one would have an answer to.
I'm so happy yet so sad.
So ready to push even when a part of me is pulling back so hard.
Things will never be the same, obvi.
(Friday will def be bittersweet. so so SO bittersweet)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Back at it.
I'm back!
I know it's been a looong time and I failed on my "blogging everyday" tip.
But I'll try to get back to this regularly starting... now.
So, things have been changing like mad lately, good and bad, I guess.
For the most part, I just gotta suck it up and live my life.
And if you know me, that's what I'm doing.
$$$ life isn't so swell, but I'm surviving.
Job life needs to pick up, I still gotta get on that.. changing my availability for more hours (LOL)
Fam life is good; can't remember the last time we got into a fight or bickering (y)
Friend life is good as well; can't complain but obvi there's some things I wish could go my way. But now isn't a time to be greedy. I know that.
So you gotta take the good with the bad, happy and the sad
So I'll bring a better future than I had in the past
Oh 'cause I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again
- Keri Hilson
Still trying to live life with no regrets, but it's hard as hell, you know?
I don't regret my past, obvi, I loved it.
But hopefully in the future, I'll be able to right my wrongs.
Push forward, that's what I'm doing; it's all I can do.
push push push
On another note, I'm pretty sure I'm too nice for my own good.
Yes, I can be a bitch and I may look like one, but trust me, I'm way too nice.
Everyone deserves a second chance right?
But what if that second chance turns into a third, fourth, or more?
Never let anyone take advantage of your kindness like I have.
Stop trying to make everyone happy..
because you'll just end up making yourself feel miserable.
Trust me.
Pray for happiness.
Always.
I know it's been a looong time and I failed on my "blogging everyday" tip.
But I'll try to get back to this regularly starting... now.
So, things have been changing like mad lately, good and bad, I guess.
For the most part, I just gotta suck it up and live my life.
And if you know me, that's what I'm doing.
$$$ life isn't so swell, but I'm surviving.
Job life needs to pick up, I still gotta get on that.. changing my availability for more hours (LOL)
Fam life is good; can't remember the last time we got into a fight or bickering (y)
Friend life is good as well; can't complain but obvi there's some things I wish could go my way. But now isn't a time to be greedy. I know that.
So you gotta take the good with the bad, happy and the sad
So I'll bring a better future than I had in the past
Oh 'cause I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again
- Keri Hilson
Still trying to live life with no regrets, but it's hard as hell, you know?
I don't regret my past, obvi, I loved it.
But hopefully in the future, I'll be able to right my wrongs.
Push forward, that's what I'm doing; it's all I can do.
push push push
On another note, I'm pretty sure I'm too nice for my own good.
Yes, I can be a bitch and I may look like one, but trust me, I'm way too nice.
Everyone deserves a second chance right?
But what if that second chance turns into a third, fourth, or more?
Never let anyone take advantage of your kindness like I have.
Stop trying to make everyone happy..
because you'll just end up making yourself feel miserable.
Trust me.
Pray for happiness.
Always.
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